Go wrathfully among the poised and chaste, and recall what mindless stimulation may be had in noise. As far as possible, without surrender, alienate as many of the timorous little bastards as you can.
Prevaricate at volume with byzantine obfuscation, and listen not to othersí smarmy bilge: the dull and ignorant; say yo, whatís up with them? Avoid passive-aggressive personalities as you would the plague; itís bad enough they are so deadly boring; theyíre also a royal pain in the butt.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vexed and bitter. Some news flash there! For always will these bungling fools be lesser persons than yourself, and nine out of ten times better paid to boot.
Enjoy your achievements, for what thatís bloody worth, and plan to be reassigned now any day. Keep interested in your career, and donít neglect to eat more Humble Pie; it is a real nutritious snack say recent articles in Fortune and in Time.
Exercise acute paranoia in your business affairs; the world is full of high-strung corporate psychopaths. But let this not blind you to what fate truly holds in store: demented zombie fascist ghouls whose vaunted high ideals conceal bloodthirsty plans for jingoistic genocide.
Be yourself, but do not risk detection. Never tell the motherfuckers what you really think. Neither be clinical about love, especially not with that enchanting Sweet16 on AOL, or your ass is grass.
Eschew the questionable counsel of decrepit hosers, nor willingly follow their drooling downward stagger into the depths of sadly premature senility.
Nurture unhinged hallucinations that everythingís A-OK to shield yourself from suddenly wising up. Neither be distressed you are imagining things: the recurring fear that fatigue and loneliness are merely prologue. Beyond a wholesome discipline, slip fully into voluntary mental bondage.
You are an orphan of the universe, no less than the trees and ozone layer and the buffalo. You are cattle. You are chattel. You are in the way.
Whether it is clear to you or not, the economy is growing as it doubtless should. Therefore, say your prayers, whatever you hope to gain by that, and whatever your deluded aspirations may have deemed, finding you are a certain loser in the bedlam of lifeís little lottery, now kiss your sorry ass goodbye.
And yet for all its rampant spam, its government-sanctioned drug cartels and tranquilizer-stifled screams, itís just too beautiful a deal. Double down, cheer up, dream on; as if you might ever get to cop a slice. Starve to be happy.
ďOh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings..."
John Gillespie Magee, Jr.